Friday, April 30, 2010


Last night in chat, E said she plans to give her husband a fantasy weekend package of some sort for Christmas this year. She put up a link that listed all sorts of fun things to do. Some cost relatively little (in the $150 range) to pretty expensive ($1,730). Just about any city has some sort of package.

Fighter pilot for a day seems to be an offering in many cities. One package lets you get a taste of CSI. Leave it to E to know about such sites. I think cattle drives ala "City Slickers" would work for Amarillo. I know they do camp breakfasts.

If I had tons of money, I would love to gift these types of experiences to my friends. The joy of giving someone his dream.

Maybe money limits the type of dreams you can fulfill, but ways exist to make others happy. See just how contagious smiles are. Open the door for someone. Simple courtesies and acknowledgment of others. How hard can that be? The wonderful thing about how this works: you reap benefits, too.

Many days a two-line email improves my outlook immensely. Or a quick note posted on FB. A phone call, lunch with friends. All so simple, yet enriching for the soul.

Starting Tuesday, I am volunteering at Catholic Family Service's immigration division. V, who was my boss at the paper at one time, needs some temporary help. I look forward to working with her again and getting out of the house a couple of days a week.

Have you known any old souls? I have.

My thoughts head to Boston for the weekend. I will attend in spirit.


Thursday, April 29, 2010


I think I finally shucked my 3 a.m. rendezvous. My pal loosens his grip gradually. One of these days he may leave permanently.

I find myself in a blue funk again. I grow weary of this. I see the doc Wednesday. Maybe we can figure something out. I guess I want an easy answer and that does not exist.

My friend tells me I have always fled from death. She said yours and Bruce's have hit so hard because I am seeing my own mortality. I can agree to that. I also know in my heart the feeling (condition, whatever it is) is more complicated than that.

Sad, sad, sad.

I miss you, dude.


Wednesday, April 28, 2010


The Animals did a song whose lyrics express my feelings right now.

"Sometimes I find myself long regretting some foolish thing, some little simple
thing I've done. But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good, oh lord, please
don't let me be misunderstood."

That sentiment simplifies the situation, of course. Feelings and thoughts of others do not compare much with ours. Oh, in ways, yes.

Feelings and thoughts make us individuals. Seldom do you run across someone whose feelings and thoughts mesh so well with yours that the line seemingly does not exist. That simpatico meeting shakes the world.

Some friends finish sentences for you, they know you so well. Some know when something does not quite seem right with you. Some will kick your posterior when you need that. Some offer to hold you while you cry.

Friends connect. Somewhere in the fifth dimension, we see the ethos of like-minded people. In this world, we constantly bounce about like molecules in the atmosphere. I am dust and you are water. We meet and a new particle forms. No other like it exists.
* * *
I will never forget. I am working on forgiving.
* * *
I love you, dude.


Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Messages in a blog

Message to Dorian: OK, dude, about this gig. I am not a mind reader, so I do not know how you view this upcoming event. The party means something to everyone attending. Do the best you can to honor my friend. I've heard you were at the top of his list. Peace.

Message to Dave: Thanks a million for allowing me to suggest a toast. Do a great job, but most of all, have fun. Relax and get into the music. Dedicate a song (even if it's only in your mind) to those who could not come.

Message to Kevin: Ah, another Mooney mystery. Fear not.

Message to Kim: Thanks, sister. I can see why you were the go-to friend.

Message to Colleen, Cheryl, Marcia, Carol, Ellen, Cathy, Jen, Liz, Drini, who reached out to me at the beginning of my journey with PH, and the rest of the PHriends I have met online: Without you, my life would be empty.

Message to journalism buddies: I wish it had not taken a death to draw us together for the first time. I fear it also was the last.

Message to you: I care. I will until the day I die.


Monday, April 26, 2010


Friends defend you no matter what.

Sunday, April 25, 2010


The domino effect of life amazes me. I know, I know. If it does not happen, then you do not know that. Only if it happens do you take note. That conundrum puzzles me; you had it figured out.

You say random, I say some meaning somewhere. You say meaning only because of random; I say surely a reason.

I miss that repartee. Hairy soccer players, indeed.

Knowing some of your friends allows me to see another facet of you. I catch glimpses of you in all of them, as strange as that might sound.
* * *
I wonder if all the journalists will clean up for Bruce today. Bruce knew folks from all walks of life. So to Bruce it would not matter. I am unsure what I will wear, but I probably will clean up.
* * *
Kim and I finally got to chat this morning. I am gladdened by news your folks were first. Kim also got to listen. I cannot wait to hear it. What a wonderful collaboration and tribute to you.
* * *
Dude, I am sad and glad. You know.

* * *
Postscript: Bruce, the turnout filled the church. So many familiar faces only older and grayer. Some of the youngins showed up, too. I enjoyed visiting with all the gang. Each person there told the story of your life by his presence.

Peace, my friend, peace.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Love & life

Making contact with longtime friends, some after more years than I would like to admit, makes me realize how swiftly time goes. I would love to share this with my younger friends. Wake up. Before you know it, you look at life from the other direction.

People tend to get caught up in the everydayness of life. The big picture blurs because the detailed view overwhelms. Technology allows us to be busier than ever, which is a double-edged sword.

We forget happiness does not have a pricetag. We worker harder to make more to spend more. We sell our peace of mind to do so. When you start to count quality time, you slip into a wonderful lie you hope to fool yourself with.

The little moments make the biggest impressions on our minds. To have those little moments, you need to get off the moving sidewalk you are on. Devote a half-day a week to spend with your family or friends. Lie around and talk. No TV, no music, no distractions of phones.

You will gain so much at the cost of nothing but a small amount of time.

Dude, my time with you was priceless.


Friday, April 23, 2010

Day of transition

Bruce, I apologize if I made your journey any harder. I did only what came naturally to one who hoped to help. We all did.

We stood watch to smooth your road. Even Teddy stood guard, always at your side. We who shared your transition talked about good times and shared laughs. Tanya, Raenell and I chortled about some pictures of Hawaii from your past that you had shown, with an apology, to Tanya.

Rick, Jim and I talked music. I know you enjoyed that. Those two were the scene in the 1960s and 1970s. Jim and Rick both have met a who's who of musicians. Jim will enjoy and revere your collection.

I told you it was all right and to relax. I know you understood.

You were a great man, Bruce. I love you.
* * *
Well, dude, I hope you are at rest as well. I love you.


Thursday, April 22, 2010

Second thoughts, deaux

Gnawing: Why does hunger hit the minute the kitchen is clean? Remember Murphy?

Pooped: Why do cats feel the need to mess up a just-cleaned box? Felines employ radar.

A hole lot of lovin': Why do donut shops sell holes but bagel shops do not? Why do they have holes anyway?

No lie: Why is new and improved seldom that? Why does it mean less?

Sorry, short, sweet: Cuteness disappeared.

Dude, don't fade away.


Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Left behind

Your death eats at one you loved. Not so much that you died, though that plays a big part, but the details. We talk frequently about your death. I find myself at a loss. No one knows exactly what thoughts were yours those last days. We all think we know. We all know we do not know.

I wish I had the words that would ease your loved one's mind. Time heals, such a cliche, but true. Death won. How it won ultimately does not matter. You left a mystery that likely will not be solved. Your final haha to the world. Good one!

We talked about legacy. I never really considered that. Maybe the urge belongs to men only. I guess in my mind, all of us amount to a tiny grain of sand on the world's largest beach. So, legacy to me means to remain in the minds of my friends after I am gone. For as long as someone I knew lives, I live on, too.

Monuments remain in this world after thousands of years. How many people still are remembered? A handful compared to the number of people who lived. Not many records of Joe Blow Greek and his daily life.

I sent R an email. We shall see.

I miss you, dude. Unraveling the mystery occupies me still. You would get a charge out of that.


Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Wonders never cease

I wonder ...

... how headhunters (the business variety, that is) justify themselves, especially to themselves.

... why the good ones leave this world early and the bad ones hang on forever.

... how a movie can portray an historic war without blood and claim legitimacy.

... how anyone believes they fool you when they reveal their second face.

... if cat treats scattered across the floor makes eating exercise?

... why plants love nature's water more than the city's?

... why I do the things I do sometimes.

... about motives.

... about the frailty of some friendships and how to strengthen them.

... how anyone can try to measure a person's worth.

... about questions for which answers do not seem to exist.

... if rules for life ever not apply.
* * *
I fear your time is drawing near.


Monday, April 19, 2010

A fine mess

Dude, help! I got myself into another mess. What, oh what, should I do?

Why do I put myself into these situations? Oh, I know part of the answer. I am not, however, dumb. You would think I would learn after how many times? How do I find the balance between me and them?

* * *
Hoarder aply describes my neighbor to the east.

Someone moved her in several years ago. She started sitting outside in a chair she rescued from the trash. She quickly filled the role of greeter. She asks anyone anything and that means telling, too. "Did you know Bertha had to call the ambulance," she asks. I have no idea who Bertha is, but my neighbor assumes I know everyone, too.

Not long after my neighbor moved in, a woman showed up with a carrier. Later I learned guinea pigs came in that carrier. About every two weeks (or so it seemed), she would announce Rebecca had had five babies. All the creatures had Biblical names.

Summer came and the stench from her apartment overwhelmed people walking by. Finally someone complained. The manager told my neighbor she had to eliminate all but two of her babies and clean the place up.

Flash forward to now. The woman with the carrier brought three cats ...
* * *
The profound fled me this morning. I've looked for it with no success. Ready for some mundane? Here goes.

Pogo morphed into the mean eating machine again. Some days he cannot get enough. Yesterday we shared some chicken strips in addition to his usual canned. I may need to take out a loan.

If you know any youngsters you can borrow, go see "How to Tame Your Dragon." I enjoyed seeing the expressions on the faces of the enchanted children as much as I enjoyed the movie. No children available? Treat yourself. Everyone needs to release the inner child occasionally.

T. thank you for taking me into your "college twin" family, sort of, anyway. :-)
* * *
Thanks for listening, as always.


Sunday, April 18, 2010


Life takes strange twists and turns: how we run across people we knew 30 or more years ago; how time mellows us; and how distance has a way of changing our perspective.

I am grateful. I truly wish there was a better way to say it. I am one of the most blessed (or lucky) people I know. I have friends. So many wonderful friends.

Part of the pleasure of life involves exploring people and their views, thoughts and hearts. If you fail to do this, you miss out on the dessert. (I say this because I have a sweet tooth. Substitute the food word of your choice.)

Animals also fit into the life's pleasures category. Pets are an antidote to stress. We all need unconditional love and adoration.

Sometimes stressful situations shed light on people's true natures, though not always.

When a tragedy, or life in general, happens, the ones you need are the ones who run toward you, not away. If they run away once, you can attribute that to the particular circumstance. We all have areas in which we fail or cannot handle. But if a person turns tail and runs every time, then this person becomes a hindrance. It is a matter of your survival. You cannot let someone pull you under.
* * *
I still miss someone.


Saturday, April 17, 2010

Later, Bruce

I went to say goodbye to Bruce today.

I knew telling him one more time I loved him was as much for me as it was for him. I had not exactly avoided going, but I had not made an effort, either. Until Jim called last night.

There was my good friend Bruce, lying so small in that bed.

The outward Bruce disappeared some time ago. The inner Bruce met me at the bedroom door.

After several minutes, Tanya and Jim drifted away. I gently stroked Bruce's hand and arm as I told him it was OK.

Bruce is my friend. I love him.


I love you too, dude.


What next?

ESPN changes prompt me to ask: what???

I am female. I am all for equal rights. I also will admit I am uncomfortable, nay, I dislike the recent push for more woman on-air personalities at the sports network. I get the impression the government played a role in the changes. Or maybe ESPN wants to lure a new audience, but they best be careful. I also have noticed a push for celebrity.

As much as I love ESPN, it may find itself relegated to the boonies like CNN Headline News. Since it has become HLN (which in itself grates on my nerves since headline is one word), it has lost its teeth. Change for change's sake rarely works.

I want my sports clean and unfoofied. A few shows like "Pardon the Interruption" liven things up. These guys know their stuff. Maybe the women do too, but the dynamic rubs me the wrong way. Too flirty results in unwanted distractions. Cutsie and sports do not make a winning combination.

If you want women, sports and cutsie, why not ESPN foofy? The network offers ESPN in many other shapes and forms.
* * *
My roller coaster ride of a life makes me dizzy sometimes. Depression, to put a name on it, taints an otherwise wonderful existence. Some days I want to lie on the couch, pull the blanket over my head and sleep. I love watching the rain, and we have had our share the past week, but when I am blue, the rain dampens my spirits further.

Then I feel utterly useless to my friends. I want to help them; I want to listen. I simply do not have it in me.

The fixer needs fixing. That was your milieu. I miss your positive, comforting words. Ours was a see-saw relationship. We never hit bottom at the same time. I miss you so much, dude.
* * *
D and I talked on the phone last night. He is one hyper person. Think of the power there. I would like to get to know K as well. One of these days, maybe.
* * *
Since I am on a small rant: why do I waste my time with people who do not have a clue? I am not sure what their game is, but I tire of the effort it takes to keep up. Do I really need someone in my life who purports to want me as a friend but immediately runs to someone else with my confidences?

Do I want someone as a friend who collects people like trading cards? Do I want someone as a friend who loves to talk about their own woes, but never asks about mine? Do I want someone as a friend who cannot make five minutes during a day to say hey?

I think we all know the answer to that. I just need to find my backbone.
* * *
Not long now, dude.


Friday, April 16, 2010


Recent happenings send the end-of-the-worlders into a frenzy. With this group, the more natural disasters, the louder they shrill. Leaders of this group try to match world events with their prognostications. These folks present "facts" to the gullible. Members of these groups follow along like goslings after their moms. Never mind the murky water.

People just do not think or reason. How many times has the end been near? These folks cite passages from the Bible. The end will be such and such a date. Funny how they have little to say when that date comes and goes right along with their credibility. The awful part of this? Some continue to believe. They set new dates for the end. Once again people cry and repent.

We go down paths hoping to find "the answer." Sometimes at the end of these trails we discover insurmountable walls, so we turn around to head down a new path. Some of us spend our whole life traveling these mazes trying to find something which has always been there.

Another group makes disinformation its mission. This group hit its stride with the recent presidential election. The roar becomes deafening. These leaders take the uninformed down the primrose path.

Maybe we do not teach children to think for themselves anymore. So we have raised a generation or two of lemmings. Not everyone fits into this mold. Some do think for themselves despite their environment. Many more cannot be bothered to think. Let Joe Blow decide for me.

Much of what naysayers proclaim becomes so much rant in the long run. The Internet propagates rumors like no other medium. We must learn to closely scrutinize every bit of information we receive.

Think people!
* * *
I honor your memory, dude.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Attack of old womanism

Awwk. I am a cheek-pinching, hair-mussing old woman. It began when .....

.... Connie and I took Aidan and Zane with us to do some errands yesterday.

I felt horrible, but I needed the human company. So after a couple of false starts, Connie and I headed out to lunch at Jorge's.

We arrived later than we normally do, but got seated right away. The food, as always, made my taste buds rejoice. But the noise, combined with my uneasiness, made me feel closed in, and I had to leave. Fortunately, we had finished eating. I fled to the car while Connie paid the bill.

We then picked up the boys and headed for Wallyworld. Aidan chattered and Zane chimed in.

We walked the perimeter of the store. I found myself mussing Zane's hair and pinching Aidan's cheeks. Oops.

By the time we finished there, I started to cave.

We headed to a local grocery store and I decided to remain in the car with the kids and let Connie do the walking.

Aidan told me a long involved story about heaven, parachutes and his cat, Cindy, which had recently died. He displays a great imagination and a good command of the language.

During our expedition to Wal-Mart, I spied something we had wondered about some months ago. Headbands in various colors hung on a rack -- the kind worn by Ibrahimovic and those other haired players. Well, another mystery solved.

I am confused. Nothing new, right? Human relationships puzzle me. I hope to be the kind of friend I would like to have. Sometimes, though, I misread others and that causes me grief. Thus the timidity.

I am doubly blessed to have known you. What kind of odds?

Tears still come, dude.


Wednesday, April 14, 2010

What a gene pool

I know some pretty talented people. Steve Douglass, a longtime friend (more on him in a bit), shot the rusting truck, above. I envy the ability to look through a lens and see the image as a work of art rather than a snapshot. I know several outstanding photographers. I worked with them over the years.

Brittani Wray represents the next generation of photo talent. She shot the above image of herself and her boyfriend. She learns quickly. I had the honor of working with her a short time. Brittani blows in like a springtime breeze: sometimes gently, sometimes a bit faster, sometimes like a gathering storm on the Plains. She has not lost the ability to enjoy what she does and she takes you right along with her.

I know several outstanding wordsmiths. The stories trip over themselves rushing from imaginations to fingers. With a sentence or two, they send you to the inner city in the 1800s or to heaven with a murder victim. They can induce you to buy that soft drink or listen to a rock band's latest offering.

I have a friend who is shooting a movie. I have two friends who wrote scripts that became movies. They each followed their dreams.

I made a new friend in whose veins run ink and paint. She exudes enthusiasm, and maybe a bit of idealistic youth. Talent flows from her brushes.

Some of my friends chose to share their knowledge with students. They hope to influence the world to come. The future shines brighter because of these teachers.

Back to Steve. His career took a right turn (or was it left?) after the newspaper. He listens to all sorts of radio traffic. He wrote a definitive book on military monitoring. He listens for news organizations all over the world. Fascinating stuff.

You did not fit a mold either. Anything you wanted to do, you did well. Write songs -- sure thing. Write poetry -- uh huh. Sports -- yep.

Each of my friends blesses me for unique reasons. No two are alike, yet each are similiar.
* * *
I think of you so often.


Tuesday, April 13, 2010


Ren, Stimpy and I near the end of our time together. The pair have been decent, but I will be glad to ship them back to San Diego.

Kim celebrated her birthday yesterday. I am a bit peeved (at myself) that I did not know.

Had a nice talk with D. He tickles me.

I wish this blog site featured a cut and paste option. I never thought I would miss InDesign (or PhotoShop).

We need to remember each person deals with loss in his own way. No right way exists.

Sometimes the easy way mirrors the coward's way. We all exhibit that foible at times.

Why are excuses so easy to make and apologies so hard?

I like simple best. Linear describes me well.

Sometimes when we throw away the chaff, we also lose the grain.

I love the brownies on the outside edge of the pan. I like crunchy.

I hope not to fall into a pit of platitudes, but it appears that is the case. Ugh.

What do you think? About anything at all.

Today the blues decided to take up camp. Weepy and sad.

* * *
You always will have a corner in my heart.


Monday, April 12, 2010

'til me meet again

Bruce nears the end of his time on Earth. Once the radiation did not give him the boost the doctor had hoped it would, he seemed to let go.

Bruce, my friend, if anyone fought the good fight, it was you. You pushed through daily, though I am sure many, many days you felt like crap. With Tanya by your side, you worked full time, made doctor's appointments and still found time to do favors for others.

We have been through some interesting times together.

Remember that awful orangy-reddish sectional you had? Ugly and uncomfortable. We spent time at your place though because you had the best music collection among us.

Remember when you, Rick and I would leave for dinner break? We would have so much fun at Mr. Gatti's with the Three Stooges projected onto a big screen at the end of the room. We stuffed ourselves with all-you-can-eat spaghetti and then had to go back to work. The second half of the evening proved that we were good.

The years flew by. We shared a brief time when we both attended youth soccer matches. Our jobs changed in the newsroom.

We came together again with Vivian, Jim, Marty, Karen, Chip, Shanna and Marlene. And at various times, others drifted in and out. Ben, Joe, Sarah, Elena come to mind. That was the golden era. The features department under Vivian outclassed the rest. The people jelled, they were the best.

You always went with the flow. Change did not bother you, at least outwardly.

When Tanya came into your life, you got the blessings you so richly deserve. Together you made a home.

Somewhere along the way, Brucie, the readers discovered you. Not only through your writing, but by your genuine interest in their events and lives.

Now that public pays its respects. The outpouring demonstrates the love we have for you.

I love you, Bruce. I will miss you, friend. Go in peace.
* * *
I miss you, too, dude.


Sunday, April 11, 2010


The world seems a bit crazy right now. Unrest, bad news, natural disasters often come at us in waves. Or maybe we are more aware. Can you imagine what the government does not tell us? I continue to stick my head in the sand.

My little rant about health care got published in the letters to the editor section of our newspaper. The folks also posted it online. I was amused to read the comments online about the letter. The thread quickly deteriorated into other issues.

The freedom to discourse still abides in America. For the most part, we still can express what we want, when we want. The Supreme Court has seen fit to clarify the Bill of Rights, i.e., yelling fire in a crowded theater. Common sense that somehow falls by the wayside. How could one possibly have predicted what life in America would be like in 200 years? Founding fathers did a damn good job.
* * *
Walked around the grocery store yesterday trying to find something different to eat. Came up with frozen pizza (it was awful), pears (not bad, not great), chicken livers (lunch today), canned butter beans (hey, I am desperate here) and the basics like tomatoes, squash and bread. A personal chef would liven up meals. Bring on Mario or Stephen.
* * *
A couple of friends suggested ways I might stem the tide of boredom. Thanks ladies. While I used to indulge in handiwork, my eyesight limits my enjoyment of that pursuit. Painting, as in labor as opposed to artistic, does not appeal either. I am definitely not artistic, though I am a great painter in my mind sometimes. I do enjoy blogging, but even writing hits dry holes occasionally.
* * *
Today I am thankful I met you. I am thankful for your family. Thankful for your friends. All have been more than gracious to me. (You know which ones in particular.)


Saturday, April 10, 2010

Teach the world to sing

The eating continues. Can't seem to get enough. I do believe, though, what I am consuming plays a big part in that. Feed your body junk and the demand for good food drives you to continue seeking what your body really wants. In other words, got derailed, went the wrong way for a good piece, and now ready to get back on track. Wooo.
* * *
I also discovered yesterday that I am bored. I do not do a whole lot. I sleep, do a few dishes, take care of the boys and compute (r?). Occasionally I get groceries. Pretty dull stuff. Numbing, in fact. I need to find a next project or even a current project.
* * *
My world expanded a bit more yesterday, too, by adding another FB friend. Thanks, friend.
* * *
Ren, Stimpy and I mark our 11th day anniversary today. I have a feeling they have fallen down on the job because of nothing to do. No fainting, SOB, racing heart, etc. *sigh*
* * *
Thanks, D. Perfect. *heart*


Friday, April 9, 2010


I woke up feeling yucky today.

I care.


Thursday, April 8, 2010

Precious memories

The three of us sat slumped on our respective couch or chair. Each of us sported a kitty friend. Jim, not being a cat person really, turned his kitty over to me. We talked over old times and shared music stories.

Periodically the phone would ring. Jim put his glasses on to see who was calling. Then he would pass the phone to Bruce or let it ring, depending. Then Bruce became keeper of the phone. When it rang, he would put on his glasses to see who was calling.

A nice teacher from Margaret Wills came by to bring dinner. She sat and visited for a bit. Very nice, polite woman. She complimented me on my soft hands.

Before Bruce decided to get up and move to the recliner, Jim made sure Bruce took his meds. Jim allows Bruce to say no. Maybe it is a man thing.

I hope to spend more afternoons with them. The love is palpable.

Tanya blew in carrying groceries and cleaning and bringing April and Rudy for a visit. Tanya did not look well. I worry about her. She possesses great strength and she pushes on, but I am afraid she will shatter before long. Yet steel magnolia aptly describes her.

Moments like yesterday afternoon become priceless treasures. When we are younger, we enmesh ourselves in the immediate. Much like a pinball, we go from one point to another with no time between.

Now we savor slow, relaxing afternoons with friends who shared the years with us. The love and familiarity surround us with comfort. Even after years apart, old friends slip on again like a pair of well-worn jeans. No pretenses, no facades, warts and all.

That indefinable knowing strikes with some the first time you speak. Somewhere in the core of you, something awakens. An alarm goes off even though consciously nothing resounds.

Other times a different alarm goes off. This one clammers with shrill insistence. Run, run, run!! We need to heed this one, but sometimes it falls on deaf ears. Life lessons learned.

Anyone who makes you smile deserves your heart. You made me smile inside and out.


Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Sweet revenge

Too many cookies result in added pounds. Thank goodness I pawned off most of them. I will take the last of them with me to visit Jim, Bruce and Tanya. The visit falls a day or two too late for me though.

This little sugar binge cost me four pounds. No more goodies for awhile. Gaining four pounds in two days but taking a week to lose it seems so unfair. Maybe if I had shown some restraint, the four would not be mine. I hope this little episode ends here and now.

Not only have I added four pounds, but eating junk makes me feel awful. Glad the temptation does not hang around.
* * *
Today I learned how to count to 20 and how to say 154 in afrikaans. The language makes sense. I enjoy my daily lessons. I also learned man, woman, boy, girl, and we talked about kat.
* * *
Today marks the eighth day with Ren and Stimpy. The duo hates water. They cannot bear to be apart from me for more than 15 minutes either.

Yesterday I wanted to both shower and wash my hair. I wash my hair, because of its length, in the kitchen sink. I love to stand in the shower and let the hot water wash over me. However, since I was on a mission to do both, and in 15 minutes or less, it appeared as though the Keystone Cops paid a visit.

I did manage to do both, but I do not recommend trying it on your own without adult supervision.

I almost ran down Pogo a couple of times. He had the urge to eat and I did not have time to sate his endless appetite. Boy did he show his displeasure. That tail was cracking like a bullwhip. He gave me a tongue-lashing as only he can at the top of his Siamese-infused voice.

Once I got the electrodes attacked and the battery back in Ren, I appeased Pogo. After making short work of food in his dish and a thorough bath, he settled in for his mid-morning nap.
* * *
Tried to catch D. a couple of times yesterday. Don't know if he avoids me or just did not see me. *sigh*
* * *

Freaker's Ball also a good one.
* * *
Is there a second penguin? Did he, too, leave clues? I think maybe.
* * *
I care.


Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Yada, yada, yada

I have misplaced my mind. Long-term memory seems healthy; the short-term one displays chronic woes. Almost like I have cotton in my ears. Maybe I am overloaded with information and filtering some out indiscriminately. No matter the reason, the feeling disconcerts me.
* * *
Jim called about 7ish last night. He and Bruce visited while we talked. I plan to see them soon.
* * *
Today I feel like a matchmaker.

G., a young mother of three, came to chat last night for the first time. She recently met Mr. Hickman and she hates him already. She feels like he curtails her life and she wants an easier way to deal with this horrible disease.

I took her aside, like Rach did with me, told her about the FB community and the Survivors Guide. I suggested several young mothers who know Mr. Hickman intimately as potential friends on FB. I hope she finds someone to mentor her through this like I had.
* * *
Chocolate, chocolate chip cookies make a great breakfast. All the food groups, right?
* * *
Lots of big doings in my Net world. The memorial-release party for you next month. Then in June the PHA conference in California. The buzz for these events picks up pitch as the time draws near.

Big gatherings tend to make me ___ what? Nervous, paranoid, overamped? All the latter applies. But I believe we covered that already.

I will remember you on May 1 like I remember you every day.

As much as I would love to meet my PHriends, relying on chat and the phone will suffice for now. Drini and Ali plan to drive to conference. I will meet them for lunch. So two met and dozens to go.
* * *
Shit sports seasons wind down. I will miss the play, but they were never the same without you.


Monday, April 5, 2010


Gobsmacked ranks near the top of my list of favorite words. I added grapgat this year. Pooper-scooper tickles my funny bone.

Some words on the list get much use for a year or two then fall off. Groovy, for instance.

Advertising has placed many words and phrases into the American lexicon. Where's the beef? comes to mind. We all wondered where the yellow went with Pepsodent. Wonder if we could find Pepsodent today?

Television show writers add their two cents worth: OK, let's be careful out there. Would you believe? Yada, yada, yada. Doh!

We all have our favorites depending on our generation.
* * *
Beginning Day 5 with my new best friends Ren and Stimpy. Other than causing an itch, the pair seem to follow orders fairly well. Ask me again on day 13.
* * *
If I had to describe my kitchen in one word it would be disaster. I baked cookies and fried chicken yesterday. After overindulging in both, I promptly fell onto the couch in a sugar-induced stupor.

The cleanup fairy did not appear with her wand overnight. So today, when my energy level just tops that of a southern princess on a midsummer's afternoon without air conditioning, I face a mound of dishes, a flour-dusted floor and a greasy stovetop. Cleaning up as I go never has worked well for me. Does that mean I would make a great chef but a bad mommy?
* * *
If your tongue dries out, do taste buds die?
* * *
The Red Sox rallied past the Spankies, dude. I know, I know. The season just begins.


Sunday, April 4, 2010


The mood to bake strikes.

I borrowed the industrial mixer I gave to Danny several years ago. He had to bring it to me; it weighs a ton. The cookie recipe I will use oozes chocolate and calories and requires much effort. The results involve many steps, including grinding oatmeal into flour. Lots and lots of cleanup, too. The recipe makes 112 good-size cookies. More than enough to share.

I love this recipe. The cookies crunch.

I wanted to share these with you, dude. Peace.


Saturday, April 3, 2010

Random thoughts

I am learning some Afrikaans from Tamz. We chat almost daily while she works and I wake up. She teaches me all sorts of things about her country. I will compare what I am learning from her with ESPN pieces during the World Cup. Should prove interesting.

I am a weak human being. I make promises when facing tough times that seem to go out the window when times get better. I vow to do this if this will: quit ... begin ... happen ... not happen ..., etc. Not the way I want to live my life.

Thinking of Pete today as he takes his exam. Go get 'em, dude.

Hey Sara, Kim would make a great mil.

Shout out to all for enriching my life.

We trade our youth for wisdom. I prefer wisdom.

I always have been more cerebral than physical. I am physical in my mind but somehow that does not translate to my body. Out of balance, as usual.

wysiwyg I try to live by that phrase.

Happy birthday, Bill. Many more, dude.

Happy b-day, Beth B.

I will always love you.


Friday, April 2, 2010

Wonderful gifts

Did my taxes yesterday. Uncle Sam tells me I earned $0 taxable income for the year, therefore I owe $0. Whew.

Got a wonderful and very unexpected gift in the mail yesterday. The handmade soaps and nice card made my day, Kim. Thanks!

Also got a very nice reply to an e-mail I sent to Karen. She shared lots of interesting news. Seems someone I know (Bruce) told Karen and Kevin I was a drill sergeant and a softie in the same breath.

I hope to sit with Bruce a couple of mornings next week. I do have some qualms about it however, because I would not hurt Bruce for the world. What if I should black out while I am there? What if he should fall? I could not help him up. See the problem?

I am seeing the hind ends of Pogo and Satchmo more often as the weather allows me to have the window open more. They spend most of their waking time with their noses pressed against the window screen or slapping at imaginary bugs.

Sometimes the neighbor's black and white cat ambles into my backyard to nap or say hello to those poor captives in the window. Pogo, being the gregarious one, alternately chortles and chatters. The big guy says nothing but continues his search for the best sunning spot. A couple of hours later, the sun and the neighbor move on.

Connie, bless her heart, shares her week off with me. I know she needs time to herself. We all do. But she asks me to go with her as she does errands. Some errand or other every day. That overwhelms me with love, gratitude and joy. I am so lucky.

Dude, remember, I care.


Thursday, April 1, 2010

Aww glee

April 1 usually features jokes, pranks and general nonsense. In this day of lightning fast communication, April Fool's Day (none of the googled web sites agree on the apostrophe), might be any day.

So, to avoid any misunderstanding by you readers, this blog does not participate in any shenanigans. No frivolity. Nope. None.

The writer does not possess a sense of humor. She gave hers ages ago to a needy sixth-grader.

Pogo and Momo display more tomfoolery in their front paws than this former journalist.

Writing a long tale with several ah-ha moments often fills space on this date. Usually the reader patiently wades through the words to reach that *groan* at the end.

Well not here. Not today. No sir. Do not expect that. If you do, you might as well leave now. Bye.

Now for the rest of you faithful readers: I got wired yesterday. Big brother came to visit and brought all sorts of gizmos with him. These devices plan an intimate fortnight. Wherever I go, whatever I am doing, this gear goes. Well, I do get to shower alone.

After this cozy visit with me, big brother will sort it all out and make a judgment, we hope.

In the meantime, I carry on.

Had a nice visit with Kim yesterday.

Dude, I miss you. No sh**.