I discovered over the past couple of days the pain of your death lessens. Knowing this incites a whole menu of emotions. Shame for letting your memory fade. Hurt that I no longer hurt. Fear that I will forget. Lost.
I still am in awe that you could sear yourself on my heart so easily. I often wonder if you knew the charm you possessed. I know I was not the first drawn to your light.
I still smile when I think of you. That counts.
Later.
There's nothing to be ashamed about when, over time, we do not always have our departed loved ones on your mind day in and day out. It's what happens. It's part of the process of grieving. It doesn't mean we don't love them any less, or that we'll forget them entirely. I used to feel so guilty when I realized I didn't constantly miss Mason anymore, and the same is happening with Euan's memory. But I know that doesn't mean I don't care about them. I still remember much of what we shared, and little things every day make me smile and think of them. Our loved ones will always be in our hearts, and I know they can't be let go there. (((HUGS)))
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