Life's lessons

Life seems extra hard around my birthday. Always.

This year I made my best friend mad. At the last second, I could not make myself go do errands and eat out.  She asked something like, you want to go. I said to be honest, no. Knowing I hurt her feelings makes me feel guilty. Then I trash myself. My heart hurts. I want to isolate myself totally. I cannot hurt anyone or get hurt. I want to cry, but I have no tears to shed. Grey tints the day so no sunshine can penetrate.

I am past the birthday gloom and into the cough your lungs out through your chest phase. Now the unwashed dishes, stained with cheese and pasta parmesan sauce line the countertops and fill the sink. Bits of dried pasta turn brown and cements itself to the sink. At the very bottom in the metal drain stopper, slices and shreds of cat food send salvos of sensory stink bombs of their own.

The floor offers a variety of obstacles to make walking barefoot uncomfortable at the least. Because Momo does not hold his head over the bowl when he chews, bits of hard food escape. Pretty soon the small chunks are far from their origin. Pogo takes a bite from his bowl, puts it on the floor and then chows down. If you ever need some glue, borrow some of Pogo's moist food. You can always spray the repair with perfume later.

A grey-brown film of dust covers every surface. Water spots and runs mar the view from the big windows.

Chunks of plaster above the bathtub continue to fall near, and probably in, the drain. One of my boys covers his business so enthusiastically all the litter ends up in a big pile at one corner of the box with the pile oozing onto the floor. The old man exhibits his own peculiarities.

···

I am not much of a gambler, but I took the bait this time. This gamble comes in two parts. The first part went well. I wagered on someone I had never met to do what they promised. After some minor glitches, the deal went well. I rejoiced.

The other person turned out the opposite. I upheld my end of the bargain. They did not.

I never know if a gamble will work,  but sometimes you must try. I am not sorry I tried.

Hey Dude, I miss you.