My emotions yo-yo. I never know what to expect. If I could figure out what causes the horrible I-hate-myself lows, I surely would try to change or at least arrive at a point of balance. Instead, I wake up with a cloud over my body that grows as the day goes on. I try to avoid the literal mental and physical pain by sleeping. More often than not, when I wake up the cloud hangs just above my bed waiting for me. It continues to hold me in its mental grip.
A few of my friends get it. A few want to get it and try hard to support me with kind words and concern. The rest don't mean to hurt my feelings, they just don't know how to react to someone who feels great one day, or even one moment, and falls apart the next. Unless you live in my brain, you have no idea. Granted, some people have similar afflictions. Some manage to learn the key to living with their burdens. I have great admiration for them. By sheer willpower, they live the lives they want and handicaps be damned.
I did pretty well living with my bug-a-boos until my best friend died. Since she had hauled me through life for so long, she knew when I was about to fall apart and would apply the necessary cement to keep me together and going. Now I am walking alone and losing chunks of myself without any awareness until I wake up in a thousand pieces and no one has the instructions for putting me back together.
Mental health issues cause people to feel uncomfortable. If you are one of those people, I offer no apologies, but Facebook has an unfriend button, feel free to use it.
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