More failure

Yesterday presented a test. I pretty much failed.

Connie offered to take me to do errands. The closer the time neared to go, the more I dreaded leaving my apartment. I did not want to dress. I did not want to period. I came close to a panic attack. I called her and canceled the excursion.

I get like that, almost to the point of nonfunction. My life seems a conundrum. Now Connie tells me things I say that I cannot remember. I wonder why I am blocking so much in my mind? I ask her and she offers excuses: the medicines; the weather; the stress of losing friends; the disease. I wonder if she says these things to shield me, or is telling me something I simply refuse to hear, or none of the above.

One of Paul's friends died last night. His family decided to take him off the vent. RIP Gess Brown, you were too young.

Dude, you will rest in my heart until I die.

Later.