Aarrrgg

A strange nightmare woke me sometime during the night. The dream involved psychedelic colors and lights moving in odd ways. I do not remember feeling particularly scared but I remember I kept saying I had to get the cat that was atop a bunch of boxes on top of a dryer. I kept saying I have to get the cat, I have to get the cat. I did not recognize the cat as one I knew.

I made plans with one of my godson's wives to go to lunch on Monday and now I am wishing I had not. I love this lady to death. She and I are alike in many ways and we both like food. She does not eat out often, so I told her she gets to pick the restaurant.

As I said, I love her, but I am in a hermit stage. I do not want to see anyone, talk to anyone or go anywhere. I know this behavior does not help me. I feel like no one likes me or cares about me. That most of all includes myself. How can I believe people who say they like me when I do not like myself?

Am I feeling sorry for myself? Yes. Do I know how to fix this problem? Yes. Get out and volunteer. Help someone worse off than I am. Do something. The idea sounds so easy and good, but I can not make myself do dishes on a regular basis, how can I get dressed every day and get out?

Let's try some platitudes: one step at a time, get dressed every day; wash the dishes as you use them; wake up each morning with a smile.

I know I sound like a friend who carries a negative attitude about one area of their life. No matter what I or others say, it will not work because this friend says they must be "broken" in some way. "That advice will not work because I am broken." I find my patience with this person wearing thin. I imagine the same could be said of me and my friends.

I do not like me.