A good, tough question

One of those silly apps on FB asked, "Will this matter a year from now?"

Gosh I hope so. I would like to think your friendship meant more to me than a fleeting memory of some dude with CF on the Internet. But I can see what you meant about life going on. We have no choice if we stay in this world. The world grinds on with or without us, rather like a perpetual motion machine.

My friend John died several years ago. He had AIDS, but a heart attack claimed his life. I loved John. We waded through young adulthood together, making lots of mistakes and getting by sometimes by the skin of our teeth.

Suddenly we were expected to be respectable denizens of the world. We got jobs and went on with the minutia of our lives.

Occasional cards or calls followed over the years. John always wanted me to write a book about our college days. I always said he would be my muse. The book never got written.

Then I got a phone call from one of John's friends telling me he had died. I was glad for the summer visit that year. The years melted away as we talked about what foolishness we had gotten into.

I know so little about you. Will this cause your importance in my life to fade more rapidly than it deserves? I think I did know the best of you and the worst of you all crammed into six months of talking without the benefit of ever having met you face to face.

The best of you was a shining example to everyone you touched. You possessed so many positive attributes that an accounting of them would make you blush and your head swell even bigger. Haha. Just sayin'.

The last week of your life was so heart-breaking. This is the worst I was talking about because you were in such pain at the core of you. I wanted so much for you to hear what I was saying, to believe what I was saying and to know what I was saying was true. You were loved and people did care.

But you were busy compiling a list of mental wounds. Was it to convince yourself or me? You told me you wanted to leave. I cared enough for you to believe what you said, and trusting that if you did not mean what you said, you would not go. You said you would not forgive me if I took action, and that I believed. I opted to put your wishes above all others and live with the ensuing consequences. I care that much for you.

So I guess a year from now will tell. Hopefully a bunch of us will be in the thick of the action in the Paul Mooney Memorial Fantasy Soccer League. Don't tell, but I still have a secret weapon.

Man, you are too good. We are tied in EPL after yesterday. That is how good you are. Gerrard scored and was your captain. Wow, dude, you are a marvel.

No mail today. Yay.

Later.