Your mother is a gracious woman with a little wiseass on the edges. I like her. I knew I would. But there is always the initial awkwardness, the expectations, and preconceived ideas. I am sure she also had some hesitations. After all, I was the stalker cat.
She told me about your last hours up to a point. For that, I owe her more than I can repay. The words gave me a priceless gift at great cost to her. I hope in time we are able to share more.
I feel some guilt too, because I think she did more giving than I did. Those things you can't keep a tabulation of though, they just add up. So next time maybe I can balance the scale a little.
The kaleidoscope of your life changes as more and more pieces are added. Some of the pieces are the same shape, just different sizes. Some of the tiny pieces glow bright red and display jagged edges; others shine with vibrancy. Purple? Oh yeah. Moody with blues as well. The colors encompass the spectrum; the shapes infinite. Yep, that is you; I would expect no less.
Is it possible to hold a grudge for someone else? Kinda like a surrogate grudge holder? Hmmm, I will have to contemplate that one soon. If you want to shed some light, chime right in.
One of my friends says she thinks I lost myself a long time before you died. Even longer ago than when I first started taking meds. So I guess I need to figure out where I got off the path of me and see if I can backtrack or at least head forward in a better direction.
The mailman always rings twice *groan* and I never answer.
Later.
I don't believe there is any benefit to being a surrogate grudge holder; Paul appreciated loyalty, but when it came to his own personal beliefs, he would never hold a grudge. Sometimes it just took him a while to reach that point, but he always got there- grudges only hurt the holder.
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