Cold, hard truth

Last night I lay on the couch and watched my toes perform a Vulcan salute. First one foot, then the other. Toes can handle that, calves not so much.

I tried my best to walk it off. I even drank a glass of oj and ate a handful of raisins (as if the combination would be enough potassium to fend off the attack).

Today those same muscles scream at me every time I get up for something.

* * *

The inevitable caught up with me.

I had a heart cath a month or so ago (time no longer seems to matter) and never had the consult with the heart doc who did the procedure.

I canceled the appointment twice for a couple of reasons. The most important reason: Doc got the results a couple of days after it was done and told me the results. Heart doc seems to be overbooked (ha), and I dreaded the two-hour wait in his office to see him for five minutes.

My conscience would not allow me to cancel for a third time, so today I get to go watch people in his office. I am an avid people watcher.

First I will sit in a large lobby area that features two televisions, one of which spews Fox News (shutter). The other one you never know. I will sit there for at least an hour. I will listen to a man who is hard of hearing tell another man 1) about his glory years 2) about his son, wife, cousin 3) his medical condition.

Then I will move to an inner lobby. One TV. The room has the look of a storage area converted to a holding pen. From there I will head to the examining room.

Doc will say I need to get those pressures down. I will say yes, I know. He will ask if I have questions, I will say no. He will say come back in six months. I will tell him he is working too hard. He will tick.

Thus will go almost one-third of my day.

* * *

I discovered this morning my opinion counts for nothing. I guess I had blown the whole situation out of proportion in my mind. This morning, I found my place. When you care, you leave yourself open to the hurt. Today the hurt burns a hole in my heart. Like chattel, used and tossed aside.

Now I am sad again. Happy, happy, sad. Sad, sad, happy. When is it my time? When do I get to win?

* * *

Pogo eats like a bear preparing for winter. Two cans before 6 a.m. We may be in trouble.

* * *

Wish you were here.

Later.