Friday, April 27, 2012


I understand why you might get fed up with me. I get fed up with myself. I want friends but I make being friends with me mighty hard. You who put up with this kind of abuse surprise me. I am thankful and know I am a lucky person.

Later, Dude.

Thursday, April 26, 2012


Dadgummit, why are my emotions a train wreck every time I get sick?

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

RIP baby bird

After about 12 hours on the ground, the baby bird died. I suspect a neighborhood cat found an easy snack. I knew when I first saw the fledgling it did not have a chance. I watched mom and dad bird feed their baby; they did not abandon it all through the day. The pair of sparrows still worked as I closed the shade for the night.

I want to cry.

Later, Dude.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

The birdwoman of Ridgecrest

The teenager came to mow today for the first time. He made eye contact, was polite and did a wonderful job. The teen vacuumer told me yesterday she would stay and do a couple of extra jobs. She vacuumed, including the baseboards. She also cleaned the front door, taking the glass out of the lower portion of the door. She cleaned under the crisper and the lower shelves in the refrigerator that are so hard for me to do. I am blessed to  have these two in my life.

Dr. House brought another male with him to feed today along with a couple of females. The mowing means I can observe the birds feeding habits a bit better. Today one of the birds used its feet to scratch up a cloud of seeds. It walked a bit farther and did the scratching again.

 I saw a sparrow hover like a harrier, its wings knocking the seeds from the stalks of grass.  I noticed nosy young birds hopping on the patio with my cats a few inches away (but behind glass).

Sparrows squabble. A spot on the fence becomes one upmanship. They squawk and fuss most of the time. They pick on each other like a couple of  brothers in the back seat of a car. The female shakes her booty and the male puffs up like a pompous politician. They do their little fence top tango. Afterward, they fly away in opposite directions.

I am losing the battle. I have been for weeks. I thought giving into my obsession would curb the cravings. I got one day's relief before I lost control again. I tried some of the best; some I had not enjoyed for awhile, thinking this move will fix the problem. Sad to say nope.

My stomach begins to burn in that familiar way. I stretch and twist, hoping to ease the discomfort. Yet my irresistible urge for satisfaction begins to overshadow all. I head for the kitchen where I hid the evidence of my yearning. There in the cabinet behind the bread and instant coffee it waits. Finally I give in, knowing the satisfaction of the moment will give way to guilt and pain.

The cacao bean got me again.

Boy, Dude.


Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Some more just me

Here you see my baking cabinet. Just enough room for what you see. The space continues on the left, but containers get lost in the corners where I cannot reach. I also manage to wound myself reaching into those dark spaces. Yes, you do see salt on two of those shelves. I use the umbrella girl salt to clean my iron skillet or if a recipe calls for salt. On the bottom shelf sits a sea salt grinder. Sometimes I allow myself a half-turn.

I took everything out of the cabinets I cleaned today, wiped the shelves down with an antibacterial soap and water solution (I had no bleach and refused to go get some). I tossed outdated spices and sorted the foods so I can find them more easily. I also did four drawers.

I also swept the kitchen floor and did a mountain of dishes.

Then I took a three-hour nap. I hope to clean the refrigerator tomorrow.

But you do not really care about all this, do you? I bet you are bored to tears.

Recognition for the writer, whether blogger or Pulitzer winner, hangs in the background as an impetus for toiling over a single word. You hope someone reads what you wrote and identifies with the emotion you try to describe. You want someone to pat you on the back and tell you job well done. Your brain struggles to find ways to touch others.

At times, inspiration comes from the desperation of loneliness. Experiences tint the atmosphere of what we write. Our imaginations allow us to be mini gods in control of our own worlds.

Anywho, Dude. I miss you.


Tuesday, April 17, 2012

While I am thinking about it

Everywhere I went today, people seemed on the edge. Either tempers flew or airheaditis prevailed.  The day featured backtracking and near misses. I needed to get out, but I should have stayed in.

I also ran into some long distance snags which resulted in my frustration and anger. I fumed about the business I had no luck dealing with. I finally decided to cancel the order and try another tact. Never mind that the whole mess caused me to miss a deadline. One I wanted badly to meet.

Spring means hairball season, a twice a year delight. The sound of hacking in the middle of the night means getting up and tracking down the cat and/or vomit, hoping you do not step in the mess before spotting it.

I bought a new mop and broom today. If the new instruments of cleaning do not make a difference in the amount of missed debris on the floors, then I guess my next step should be the eye doctor. Not five minutes after I sweep and mop the kitchen, my bare feet tell me I missed some bit of kibble. Just for five minutes I wish I could rest from work and then relish my trip to get a bottle of water.

I discovered tortillas. Oh, I met them often at Taco Bell, but my love affair grew after I brought a package home. Throw a bit of whatever lines the shelves of the 'fridge onto a tortilla, add cheese and picante and nuke for a few seconds. Heaven explodes in the mouth.

I am exploring the wonderful world of cheese. Varieties I have seen but not tasted get their chance in my shopping basket. After tasting the cheese in a sandwich or tortilla, I turn to the cookbook to examine further options. I do not possess a world class palate, but I love to try new foods at least once.

I also bought some wildflower seeds that love sun and some marigold seeds. Now I have to figure out how to plant the wildflowers so the lawn mower will not decapitate them every week. I may need to invest in more pots. Smallish pots would mean I could do most of the work sitting inside and then move the pots to the patio.

I have a cute little interloper in the gang of sparrows that hangs out on my fence. This little guy seems braver than his pals or maybe foolhardy fits better. He stands out in the crowd on the fence. Even with my poor eyesight, I recognize him by his red head and chest when he arrives. Dr. House (finch) resides somewhere close by. Mrs. House stops in for a nibble or two and sometimes Dr. House feeds her. I suspect a family nearby. Dr. House bravely pecks around on the ground long after the warning cry goes out among the sparrows. Dr. House jumps off the fence first or sips water from the pie plate first. Then the other birds swoop in and run the little fellow off. I spotted a robust robin the other morning. What a beauty!

Time for some relaxing.

Miss you, Dude.


Monday, April 16, 2012


The clean laundry sits in two baskets right where C placed them when he brought them in. The dirty dishes, stacked neatly, beg to be washed. When I walk into the kitchen, I am reminded the floor needs attention.

I spent yesterday alternately between the bathroom and the couch. Not real sure why. I did not feel especially bad, just my body getting rid of all the crap I had eaten in the past few days. Now, I admit, I am much more comfortable. Hopefully reason takes over now. Not the most fun way to spend a Sunday, I can assure you.

I hear the couch calling my name.

Later, Dude.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Coming clean

Have you noticed that drawers and shelves manage to overflow when you are not looking? Seemingly overnight my desk drawer ate all the pens and that tack I put in there for safe keeping evaporated.

Organizing takes minimal energy, unless you take on the closet where all the oddball paraphernalia of your life eventually ends up. Then you face the keep it or toss it conundrum. The minute the item hits the Dumpster you find a use for it.

My boys love to help me by exploring the far reaches of a closet where they might find an ancient bug which died a year ago. Momo exits the dark space covered with dust, spider webs and other evidence of his exploration. Pogo uses his paw to help sort by pushing items he considers not worth saving onto the floor. Other objects he tests for their functionality as toys.

Pogo's favorite closet contains towels, tissue and soap. He finds the stack of towels soft and comfy for a respite from all the hard work.

Cleaning takes motivation, but also fuel. Pogo knocks back a couple of cans before beginning, then a nap soon follows. Then maybe one more can before work begins.

I, too, need energy to clean, so I cook a bit of breakfast. Then I need a rest as well, so cleaning takes a backseat for awhile and maybe a day or two.

At my age, I can wear my gown all day and no one cares. And if my drawers are not clean, so what!!

Later, Dude.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Listen to the voice!

I often mention that "still small voice" or the gut feeling I get about some things. Sometimes I pay attention or perhaps I should say recognize the message and at other times I either do not pay attention or decide the message unimportant.

The most recent incident started Monday morning. I had a specific gift I wanted to send someone. I did some online shopping and rejected one firm because of its size and chose another. The warning bells rang, but I rationalized away the message with reasoning of my own. Besides only the one store had that perfect gift.

The store could not deliver the gift on time, but could deliver a day later, so I sent off my order into cyberspace. I received an email confirmation and a number.

The voice fairly shouted this afternoon, so I called the store. A person took my information, the confirmation number and said she would get back to me. I fear the gift will not arrive until at least Monday now. Oh yeah, I checked my bank account and the store does not appear in the list of debits. Bottom line: I should have listened to my still small voice. Now I am upset.

Pogo took over my spot when I got up to get another cup of coffee. Wonder who rules my house?

Tomorrow the weather guys predict a gale, so my friend C and I got out today to do some errands and get groceries. Since the trip was spur of the moment, I did not have the usual detailed list. Plus nothing sounds good right now although I have no trouble eating everything I think might be what I want.

I got tortillas, beans, avocados, lunch meat, potatoes, tomatoes and a bunch of cheese of different kinds. Eating should prove interesting at least.

I did more today than I have done in quite awhile. Tomorrow I may pay.

Miss you, Dude.


Thursday, April 12, 2012

Try a little kindness

To whom it may concern:

A great many people in my circle endure some kind of  hardship. Those people who count their blessings, who know there are others who suffer more than they do, live lives worth emulating. Selfish describes most of us at times. The people who break outside their pain to offer a kind word to others find their pain diminishes for a  time.

When you start to whine about your health or husband or other burdens you bear, remember someone, maybe the person next to you in the grocery line, has many more problems than you do. Learn to let go of your anguish. By helping someone else, you start a ripple effect, the results of which you may not see. Ways exist to help others without spending a dime. The list below offers some ideas. Make a list of your own.
  1. Do not like leftovers? Share your excess with the neighbor who gets in late from work.
  2. Pick up the trash someone tossed rather than walking over it.
  3. Offer to check the mail for a disabled person in your apartment complex.
  4. Volunteer to read to someone who has trouble seeing.
  5. Help an older person or someone with limited funds apply for help with medicines.
Live each day as though you will die tomorrow. Do not wait to perform an act of kindness, it might not get done.

Love and miss you, Dude.


Wednesday, April 11, 2012


My man in brown apparently abandoned my route for another. The new man could not find my apartment. I waited all day for the delivery of my Tracleer. Someone from UPS called after delivery hours to get directions to my apartment. I will let you conclude what you will from this.

I plan to get outside some today and clean off the patio and maybe plant some flowers.

OK, I have had enough for awhile. I am sure you would agree.

Later, Dude.

Monday, April 9, 2012

A new hole

I sleep a ridiculous amount of time -- a morning nap, an afternoon nap and then the overnight nap. I do this without help from the medicine chest. I realize the COPD and PH contribute more than their share. Somewhere in the back of my brain, a bell rings in alarm. That much sleep cannot be good for me in many ways.

So today, rather than take an afternoon nap, I went to the grocery and the UPS store. I bought drinks and ice cream on sale.  I shipped two nebs back to Accredo. I stopped by the apartment office to see if I will have water in my backyard this summer.

Now I am tired.

Hey, Dude. I miss you.


Sunday, April 8, 2012


Two thousand years seems forever. Four billion even more forever. I am a mere blink.

I never imagined the real retirement. I easily fell into the safety net of my apartment. Days go by and I see no one. My little world offers security.

Occasionally the gang of little girls rings my doorbell to tattle-tale on each other. And, of course, the man in brown rings my doorbell about twice a month. My friend calls me almost daily, so contact exists. But I find for the most part this interaction fills my quota.

I am thankful for what wisdom I have. I do not believe I am one of P.T. Barnum's folks like so many seem. Then again, I did not avoid a fatal flaw or two of my own.

I have time now. What am I doing?

Later, Dude.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Friday, April 6, 2012

One leads to another

I said no today. I had an invitation to go to the grocery, but I simply did not want to get dressed. I seldom say no. Today I did. Now I worry that I hurt my friend's feelings. Will she be mad at me? Will she quit trying to make an effort to work me into her busy life?

I do not really want my vacuumer to come tomorrow, either. I hate to discourage her, but I am not into cleaning for the cleaner and my apartment needs the cleaning.

Someone close to my heart sent me some beautiful tulips today. What a wonderful surprise. Especially today when I am feeling a bit down.

Not much into it today, Dude.


Thursday, April 5, 2012

Mini editorial

I notice a rash of what I call "the sky is falling" emails and postings on FB. I got an email today with lots of pictures of "our military doing good" with a scattering of Jesus and prayerful emoticons. The email charges the ACLU filed suit to end prayer in the military.

In these type of postings and emails, not a bit of attribution. If the ACLU filed suit, in this computer world, anyone can find records of such lawsuits. Several web sites track down rumors and urban legends. The ACLU and military prayer email in one form or another has been around since 2006.

Disinformation can be deadly. See link for definition

Having such open communications as we do today has both advantages and disadvantages. Just because you read something on FB does not make it true. I grow frightened about the number of people who cannot think for themselves.

Later, Dude.

The little things

Lately I have had a pretty negative opinion of the world at large. The latest incident in a long line involves FB and those sick baby pictures. One of my friends, whom I do not know that well, posted one of those photos. I pointed out that the picture was a fraud. This particular friend replied basically "so what, it raises awareness." One of my longtime friends replied this way.

"I really wish people would check out the real stories behind the pictures being posted of the burned baby and the little girl needing a heart transplant. First of all, Facebook will never ever ever donate money to anything no matter how many times it gets passed around. Secondly, the burned baby picture is very outdated. Thirdly, the little girl needing the heart transplant died in 2008. Please check before clicking the Share button!!"

Then yesterday my world view shifted a bit. I put out a call on FB to see if I could find some teenager wanting to earn a small amount of money to mow my small yard. A woman I worked with at the paper said her husband would do it.

Despite temperatures in the low 40s and rain the day before, her husband showed up to mow with his grandson in tow. The whole yard took him a long while. He had to stop and rest frequently. After he finished, he sat on the edge of his car's trunk and we chatted for a bit.

This man lives his faith. He was born without a sternum. He had polio twice. He told me the doctors did not expect him to live. A surgery when he was 5 gave him a sternum fashioned from a rib. Yet he is alive today with a wife of many years and several grandchildren.

I offered him a small amount of money for mowing. He refused to take it. He told me helping others is a way to repay what he received. I told him I would pay it forward. I was blessed. I also got a wonderful hug from his grandson.

Good people live in this world, too. I need to work harder to find them; I need to work harder to live that way.

Later, Dude.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Neither black nor white

Today put on a gray coat. The temperature fell in sympathy. So my mood joined the wake. So did Pogo in his own style.
Later, Dude.

Monday, April 2, 2012

The cop was cute

Technology often gets the best of me. Software I want to use may not be the "it" brand for my operating system. So I upload what I want. My security system performs its function and tells me this program will eat my computer in two bytes. So the war begins.

I got conned into updating my Yahoo Chat quite by accident. Now I have no contacts, no archive and no chat. Who says computers will not take over the world leaving us mere humans in the dust?

Today I am determined to do a couple of errands. Pogo had to sustain himself on lunch meat and chicken tenders since Saturday. He will eat only so much people food before he rebels. An unhappy Pogo makes for an unhappy me, mainly because his vocal disdain can be relentless.

A quick update then I am hitting the couch for a couple of hours. Went to ATM, dollar store, Petsmart, UPS store twice, got a ticket for an expired inspection sticker for the car, and the grocery store. Then I carried four cases and a 10-pound bag of cat food into the house along with 24 pounds of cat litter (in two containers), smaller items from both stores, and the remainder of the water from a previous trip.

The other chores can wait; I am pooped.

Later, Dude.