I seem to have lost me along the way.
Doubt has begun to shove aside positive thoughts as it goes about tainting the whole of yesterday. You claimed to be a gull, but I knew gull long before you did. Were we a case of out-gulling the gull? A little revenge factor on the character flaw?
I choose not to believe that. I cannot know; therefore I will not allow doubt to win this round. Doubt is like a colorless, odorless poison that seeps into your very cells. Before you know it, doubt has replaced all the positives.
We had many positives. After all, we both kept coming back. You could have ignored me completely. I think I was more to you than a way to pass time. I know you were important to me. You showed me how to laugh again. True friendship benefits two, not just one.
I am so lost, as I am sure others are. And in many ways I condemn myself for your last week. I so wanted a fairy tale ending, but I would have taken a peaceful one. Was it peaceful? I cannot be sure and that is the painful part. Did you tell me the truth? Were you hedging for reasons of your own? Do I even really want to know?
Your soul was in such pain. I refuse to believe what you expressed was made up for my benefit.
God, I miss you so much.
No mailman for me today.
Later
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